A Little Bit of Heartbreak...

So, well... turns out that it didn't take "N" long to move past the news that his BFF of five years has secretly been in love with him the whole time.  He's got a girl.  And she's living in his apartment.  I know, it sounds bad - I did that on purpose.  She was actually just apartment-sitting while he was out of town and he decided to let her finish out the month on the couch.  And by 'on the couch' I mean 'in his bed, pants, and heart."

God works in funny ways, no? Just as I thought I was finally going to be able to get over him...

But the good news? When I found out, when I literally felt my heart drop out of the part of my chest it's supposed to be in and not-so-gracefully land somewhere between my stomach and liver... I didn't immediately crave terrible food.  In fact, it sort of strengthened my resolve a little bit.  Either that I or just lost my appetite due to the fact that my stomach was being displaced by my rogue heart.  But I need a win right now, so I'll take it.  Straw grasping is not beneath me.

Also, it doesn't hurt that when we got back to his place I noticed that she is totally skinny-fat and (someday) I am going to have a much more bangin' body than she does.  In fact, if you consider that time is really just a construct of the human mind, I ALREADY HAVE A BETTER BODY THAN HER.

Ok... I'm done being a bitch now.  She's actually a lovely girl.  I hope they get married and have tens of thousands of babies.  I'm getting out of town this weekend because I literally can't be here and not be a bitch, and I legit HATE being a bitch.  You don't know me, but I'm a lovely girl too.