1) Hit on a hot guy
2) Buy something I can't afford because it looks so bangin' good on me
3) Skydive
4) Bungee-jump
5) Drink until 4am and pass out on a friend's couch
6) Wear a two-piece bikini in the ocean. Even if it's just once.
7) Run a marathon (or, at least, a 5K!)
8) Go mountain climbing
to be continued...
...a disgustingly honest glimpse into my world as I attempt to loose 122 pounds and reclaim my life.
Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
BACK ON TRACK
Weight lost this week: 7 lbs.
Total Weight lost: 24.0 lbs
Percentage of 122 lbs lost: 19.67%
Now, there we go. I'm gonna go ahead and call last week's weigh-in a fluke. Because I doubt I lost SEVEN WHOLE POUNDS in one week!
Going to a Weight Watchers meeting on Valentine's Day has to be one of the most pathetic things I've ever done, but who the fuck cares? I thought I'd be the only one there, but there were a lot of others that made it out, including a few couples. As our leader put it, we decided to be our own Valentine's this year.
I feel great, honestly. I ran for the train today at a full clip (just made it) and I was barely out of breath. Two months ago I wouldn't have even bothered trying to make it, because I used to get winded half way up the stairs and I'd have to stop (it was so embarrassing, I used to pretend to be interested in something on my phone so it didn't look like I had to take a break halfway up the stairs). But now, I can run a full city block and bound up three flights of stairs with (relative) ease! Also, I physically notice a difference. My jeans are hanging off of me, I'm back to the same notch on my big-ass belt that I used five years ago, and I think I'm down a chin.
But I also recognize that I'm only at my best when I'm being challenged, and I've gotten so comfortable with my new eating habits that I'm ready to look for the next step. So, I'm going to start doing YOGA. There's a place near my gym that has a 'basics' (or, beginner) class on Saturday and Sunday mornings and, as long as I get some cashmoney in the bank this week, I'll be there! $15/class sounds steep but if I like it I'm gonna get a package that makes it a little more affordable.
Work has slowed down again, which is good for me right now. I don't loose weight as quickly when I'm working like a madman, and I needed a little break to regroup and to get back in fighting mode. I leave for Dubai in two weeks and I'd love to be on a good winning streak when I leave, because I'm pretty sure that keeping up with Weight Watchers for 12 days overseas is going to be tough.
I've got a job interview tomorrow, so keep your fingers crossed (I love the little moments where I pretend that anyone in the world reads this besides me.)
Total Weight lost: 24.0 lbs
Percentage of 122 lbs lost: 19.67%
Now, there we go. I'm gonna go ahead and call last week's weigh-in a fluke. Because I doubt I lost SEVEN WHOLE POUNDS in one week!
Going to a Weight Watchers meeting on Valentine's Day has to be one of the most pathetic things I've ever done, but who the fuck cares? I thought I'd be the only one there, but there were a lot of others that made it out, including a few couples. As our leader put it, we decided to be our own Valentine's this year.
I feel great, honestly. I ran for the train today at a full clip (just made it) and I was barely out of breath. Two months ago I wouldn't have even bothered trying to make it, because I used to get winded half way up the stairs and I'd have to stop (it was so embarrassing, I used to pretend to be interested in something on my phone so it didn't look like I had to take a break halfway up the stairs). But now, I can run a full city block and bound up three flights of stairs with (relative) ease! Also, I physically notice a difference. My jeans are hanging off of me, I'm back to the same notch on my big-ass belt that I used five years ago, and I think I'm down a chin.
But I also recognize that I'm only at my best when I'm being challenged, and I've gotten so comfortable with my new eating habits that I'm ready to look for the next step. So, I'm going to start doing YOGA. There's a place near my gym that has a 'basics' (or, beginner) class on Saturday and Sunday mornings and, as long as I get some cashmoney in the bank this week, I'll be there! $15/class sounds steep but if I like it I'm gonna get a package that makes it a little more affordable.
Work has slowed down again, which is good for me right now. I don't loose weight as quickly when I'm working like a madman, and I needed a little break to regroup and to get back in fighting mode. I leave for Dubai in two weeks and I'd love to be on a good winning streak when I leave, because I'm pretty sure that keeping up with Weight Watchers for 12 days overseas is going to be tough.
I've got a job interview tomorrow, so keep your fingers crossed (I love the little moments where I pretend that anyone in the world reads this besides me.)
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Not my proudest post...
Weight lost this week: 0 lbs.
Total Weight lost: 17.0 lbs
Percentage of 122 lbs lost: 13.93%
Yup. My weigh-in this week was EXACTLY the same as last week. No loss, no gain. I suppose that's a win in and of itself, NO GAIN. I'm trying to focus on that. NO GAIN.
Honestly, I sort of expected this. I've been working non-stop the last week and it's especially hard to stay on track when you don't see your home for 17 hours a day. Also, I treated myself this past weekend, from pizza, a taco and a margarita on Friday to Super Bowl party snacking on Sunday. As I say, I 'went dark' for a few days. The silver lining is that I still tracked all the crappy things, and I stayed under my weekly points allowance - but I normally don't use ANY of those points and this week I used ALL of them.
(To clarify, on top of the X number of points that I get daily - which is calculated based on weight, age, height, and whether or not you're breastfeeding - I also can technically use up to 49 additional bonus points each week. I usually only use my X number of points that I get DAILY and don't dip into the bonus points.)
Also, I didn't make it to the gym once. Just too busy during the day and then too damn tired at night. My only day off was Sunday, and if you knew what it took to get from my house to the gym using only public transportation on a Sunday, you'd skip it, too! Plus, ya know, I had to watch the GIANTS win the SUPER BOWL and all that...
So, I'm a little disappointed but I'm choosing to be proud of the fact that I can still cut loose without falling off the wagon entirely. This plan is getting harder (see my last post) but my determination is not waning. Time to step it up - I'm hoping for a BIG LOSS next week!
Total Weight lost: 17.0 lbs
Percentage of 122 lbs lost: 13.93%
Yup. My weigh-in this week was EXACTLY the same as last week. No loss, no gain. I suppose that's a win in and of itself, NO GAIN. I'm trying to focus on that. NO GAIN.
Honestly, I sort of expected this. I've been working non-stop the last week and it's especially hard to stay on track when you don't see your home for 17 hours a day. Also, I treated myself this past weekend, from pizza, a taco and a margarita on Friday to Super Bowl party snacking on Sunday. As I say, I 'went dark' for a few days. The silver lining is that I still tracked all the crappy things, and I stayed under my weekly points allowance - but I normally don't use ANY of those points and this week I used ALL of them.
(To clarify, on top of the X number of points that I get daily - which is calculated based on weight, age, height, and whether or not you're breastfeeding - I also can technically use up to 49 additional bonus points each week. I usually only use my X number of points that I get DAILY and don't dip into the bonus points.)
Also, I didn't make it to the gym once. Just too busy during the day and then too damn tired at night. My only day off was Sunday, and if you knew what it took to get from my house to the gym using only public transportation on a Sunday, you'd skip it, too! Plus, ya know, I had to watch the GIANTS win the SUPER BOWL and all that...
So, I'm a little disappointed but I'm choosing to be proud of the fact that I can still cut loose without falling off the wagon entirely. This plan is getting harder (see my last post) but my determination is not waning. Time to step it up - I'm hoping for a BIG LOSS next week!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Feelin' Good
Well... I'm feeling better. Not 100%, not even 10%, but probably a barely-perceptible 5% or so. I only cried once yesterday, and not at all (yet) today!
Yesterday I had weigh-in #3, which was another success! I'm down almost 14 lbs! That's over 1/10th of the total weight I have to loose, and just shy of 5% of my starting weight. Weight Watchers celebrates 5% and 10% loss of your starting weight, so as long as things stay on track I should be getting a sticker next week (OOOH a sticker - I know it sounds corny but it's the little things that keep ya going, you know?)
In general, physically, I feel great. I have a TON more energy and my mood is (relatively) up... I don't know that I could've gotten through these last couple of weeks if I was still in 'fat' mode. I know I've only last 13 pounds, but my mind doesn't see myself as an out-of-control fat girl anymore. Now I'm just, like, a skinny girl who has to hide out in a slowly-shrinking fat girl's body for a year or two. I genuinely feel like this is it, like this is the time that the 'diet sticks' and I actually loose this weight. So... How do I know? (I'm glad you asked...)
I smoked cigarettes for 14 years: from age 14 (yikes, I know) to age 28. In high school it was just one here and one there... mainly because I didn't have the supply (it's illegal to sell to 14 year old, FYI) and the opportunity (living at home.) But when I went off to college I was all over those cancer sticks. I teamed up with my roommate and this girl across the hall (now one of my BFFs, the one getting married later this year) and we all just sat around and chain-smoked. It's hard for me to even imagine that way-back-when (in 1998) you could still smoke IN YOUR DORM ROOM. But yeah...
So fast forward a decade or so - through years of stressful restaurant and bar jobs where being a smoker is pretty much a job requirement - until 2009. I had been living in Santa Fe, NM on and off for about two years at this point. If you've never been to Santa Fe, go. Immediately. It is truly one of the most magical and peaceful places on the planet. You're 8000 ft above sea level and something about the crisp, clean mountain air just makes you want to be breathing it and ONLY it. I'd been thinking about quitting for awhile (what smoker isn't?) but it wasn't anything I planned on doing soon. And then on St. Patrick's Day, while running errands at lunch and stopped at the gas station to get a soda. Per usual, I checked my pack and saw that I only had 3 smokes left, so I planned on getting a pack while I was in there. I even remember thinking, "Good thing you checked, it would SUCK to run out of cigarettes in the middle of some good St. Patty's drinking!" So I went in, grabbed my usual 20oz of Coke, and at the register managed to squeak out: "And could I please get a pack of Marlbo... Scratch that. Just the Coke."
I don't know what came over me. Something in my brain just snapped. All of a sudden, I really didn't want to be a smoker anymore. So, I passed on the cigs. In fact, I never even smoked those three that I had left. I put them back in my bag and donated them to a smoker friend that evening.
It's an identity thing, I think. Until that moment, standing in that gas station, I had identified myself as a smoker. And in that moment, my brain decided that, instead, I was a non-smoker. And I never smoked again. I mean it, not even a hit not even once. Now, don't confuse the level of difficulty with which I made the decision with the level of difficulty of the IMPLEMENTATION of said decision. I was in legit withdrawal. The worst part lasted about three days. I has throwing up, I had no appetite, and instead of sleeping I would just lie half-awake at night have horrible lucid nightmares. (For example, I dreamt that while I was sleeping the two cats in the house crawled under my covers and were eating me alive.)
I can't judge smokers because I learned for myself that quitting is not going to work until you're ready. Until your brain says so. I think that drastically changing your lifestyle and eating habits is the same thing. That's why all of my attempts before now have failed. I wasn't ready. For me, I (unfortunately) think that I have to hit a new low before my brain gets fed up.
Long story short (TOO LATE FOR THAT, HUH?) - I feel the same way about loosing weight and getting healthy as I did after I quit smoking. It's a resolve, and it's very personal. It's really only ME holding ME accountable. In fact, when I quit smoking, I didn't tell anyone. Well, not at first - people noticed eventually. Especially my smoking buddies! I didn't want to talk about it because being a smoker wasn't ME anymore, that part of my life was over. And I feel that way now. I don't like to talk about my weight loss because I feel like that makes me a fat girl loosing weight, instead of a skinny girl just biding time. The luxury of quitting smoking is that you can go from being a smoker to a non-smoker in an instant. Unfortunately, going from a fat girl to a skinny girl takes a lot longer.
I suppose I could do this faster - with expensive and painful surgery or a crash diet. But this isn't a phase for me, this is the rest of my life. I have to learn to do this my way, forever. And frankly, I can't afford surgery (no insurance!) So, I wait. I don't have any inclination to go back to the way I was before. Occasionally I'll crave a soda (and occasionally I'll crave a cigarette) - but I know myself well enough, and I know that I can't just have a sip, or a hit... So it's all or nothing. And if the hardest thing I ever have to do is to NOT do something, then I'm living a pretty easy life, huh?
Yesterday I had weigh-in #3, which was another success! I'm down almost 14 lbs! That's over 1/10th of the total weight I have to loose, and just shy of 5% of my starting weight. Weight Watchers celebrates 5% and 10% loss of your starting weight, so as long as things stay on track I should be getting a sticker next week (OOOH a sticker - I know it sounds corny but it's the little things that keep ya going, you know?)
In general, physically, I feel great. I have a TON more energy and my mood is (relatively) up... I don't know that I could've gotten through these last couple of weeks if I was still in 'fat' mode. I know I've only last 13 pounds, but my mind doesn't see myself as an out-of-control fat girl anymore. Now I'm just, like, a skinny girl who has to hide out in a slowly-shrinking fat girl's body for a year or two. I genuinely feel like this is it, like this is the time that the 'diet sticks' and I actually loose this weight. So... How do I know? (I'm glad you asked...)
I smoked cigarettes for 14 years: from age 14 (yikes, I know) to age 28. In high school it was just one here and one there... mainly because I didn't have the supply (it's illegal to sell to 14 year old, FYI) and the opportunity (living at home.) But when I went off to college I was all over those cancer sticks. I teamed up with my roommate and this girl across the hall (now one of my BFFs, the one getting married later this year) and we all just sat around and chain-smoked. It's hard for me to even imagine that way-back-when (in 1998) you could still smoke IN YOUR DORM ROOM. But yeah...
So fast forward a decade or so - through years of stressful restaurant and bar jobs where being a smoker is pretty much a job requirement - until 2009. I had been living in Santa Fe, NM on and off for about two years at this point. If you've never been to Santa Fe, go. Immediately. It is truly one of the most magical and peaceful places on the planet. You're 8000 ft above sea level and something about the crisp, clean mountain air just makes you want to be breathing it and ONLY it. I'd been thinking about quitting for awhile (what smoker isn't?) but it wasn't anything I planned on doing soon. And then on St. Patrick's Day, while running errands at lunch and stopped at the gas station to get a soda. Per usual, I checked my pack and saw that I only had 3 smokes left, so I planned on getting a pack while I was in there. I even remember thinking, "Good thing you checked, it would SUCK to run out of cigarettes in the middle of some good St. Patty's drinking!" So I went in, grabbed my usual 20oz of Coke, and at the register managed to squeak out: "And could I please get a pack of Marlbo... Scratch that. Just the Coke."
I don't know what came over me. Something in my brain just snapped. All of a sudden, I really didn't want to be a smoker anymore. So, I passed on the cigs. In fact, I never even smoked those three that I had left. I put them back in my bag and donated them to a smoker friend that evening.
It's an identity thing, I think. Until that moment, standing in that gas station, I had identified myself as a smoker. And in that moment, my brain decided that, instead, I was a non-smoker. And I never smoked again. I mean it, not even a hit not even once. Now, don't confuse the level of difficulty with which I made the decision with the level of difficulty of the IMPLEMENTATION of said decision. I was in legit withdrawal. The worst part lasted about three days. I has throwing up, I had no appetite, and instead of sleeping I would just lie half-awake at night have horrible lucid nightmares. (For example, I dreamt that while I was sleeping the two cats in the house crawled under my covers and were eating me alive.)
I can't judge smokers because I learned for myself that quitting is not going to work until you're ready. Until your brain says so. I think that drastically changing your lifestyle and eating habits is the same thing. That's why all of my attempts before now have failed. I wasn't ready. For me, I (unfortunately) think that I have to hit a new low before my brain gets fed up.
Long story short (TOO LATE FOR THAT, HUH?) - I feel the same way about loosing weight and getting healthy as I did after I quit smoking. It's a resolve, and it's very personal. It's really only ME holding ME accountable. In fact, when I quit smoking, I didn't tell anyone. Well, not at first - people noticed eventually. Especially my smoking buddies! I didn't want to talk about it because being a smoker wasn't ME anymore, that part of my life was over. And I feel that way now. I don't like to talk about my weight loss because I feel like that makes me a fat girl loosing weight, instead of a skinny girl just biding time. The luxury of quitting smoking is that you can go from being a smoker to a non-smoker in an instant. Unfortunately, going from a fat girl to a skinny girl takes a lot longer.
I suppose I could do this faster - with expensive and painful surgery or a crash diet. But this isn't a phase for me, this is the rest of my life. I have to learn to do this my way, forever. And frankly, I can't afford surgery (no insurance!) So, I wait. I don't have any inclination to go back to the way I was before. Occasionally I'll crave a soda (and occasionally I'll crave a cigarette) - but I know myself well enough, and I know that I can't just have a sip, or a hit... So it's all or nothing. And if the hardest thing I ever have to do is to NOT do something, then I'm living a pretty easy life, huh?
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